He Gives and Takes Away

Jesus

He gives and takes away. How can that be one of my most awesome, loved songs... yet the lyrics are so brutal in certain ways. They have more than grabbed my heart and drenched it. Yet we cry those tears of love to Christ to "He gives and takes away..."

Now on a normal day, normal street, normal humans-we wouldn't look at it that way. Whomever gave us something amazing-then snatched it--we would be ANGRY!!! We might have hatred. We might not talk to for a while or so. But this is Jesus. His choices are right. His are clear to Him. His make our life an amazing one to keep living for Him, with His purpose. But it still hurts.

I had to deal with my 2nd surgery hurting my heart. And this song grabbing me both emotionally and with comfort. Letting me know that Jesus had more plans after that 2nd brain surgery-and I just had to hold on and trust Him.

Did that hold back tears. No. But I had the comfort of Him talking to me, perfect timing, letting me know His plans still were to come.

I went thru years of suffering, seizures, medication illnesses, etc for my 3rd brain surgery to arrive in February of 2010. I was so excited. So thankful.

After the amazing awake brain surgery I was "well" and healing for two months from the pain. Once that pain left-I was ready to rumble. Be more than who I was over a decade ago.

I started working-out. It only took 2 weeks for it to crash my body limb by limb. Starting with the foot. Worked its way up to my neck-including my fingers as I type. Everything killed me and nothing with any appointment made sense or got better. I am now partially blind. 

We are stuck between John Hopkins and back to Mayo with my neuro there. As for I've had weird neuro jolts thru the pain meds and stress.

Most of all I was angry at God. I have never understood why He would keep one, who has been a good kid, decent adult, then when found Him, pretty darn on fire for Christ--enabled, unwell. How long does He plan to keep me down and why?

I guess I won't know here. I just know I used to be an amazing soul-and it has been drained out of me as I sit here needing help with everything. Makes you wonder what kind of person you are? Wife? Mom? Sister..... that is why I want things fixable, or able to depart. No one can live like this. Ten Years Tory has had a sick mom--she is a bit over 9....wow....what a gift I am.

God.... please find an answer quicker than this. I can't take it.

Heather

One life to live, all should have a chance to dance when happy, happiness drives us to do fun things.  (do you think I can dance again one day?)  ~Hetty Jensen