Walk Tightly

Thru all circumstances,

May you feel Christ's Love &

Peace the way I re-shook myself to wake

up and feel and give back. He is our all in all-

why we exist-but NOT why we suffer.

For HE has GREAT plans for us whom follow-

trials on earth will hit us, but we need to remember

WHO to GRASP-not WHAT. That is when the lightbulb turns

on bright and your life for Him is unchangeable. 

Worthy is all His Praise, well, or unwell. 

Blessings all!

The BIG WHY-was this miraculous 3rd brain surgery that a friend of mine made a folder for me for it. It contained as much of all of the prayer warriors praying for me while I was in the hospital Feb 1-14th for this 3rd, and awake brain surgery. Prayer warriors smoothly had this surgery happen-but after it, about a month and a half I was hit with excruciating pain from feet that traveled up my legs so fast it was out of this world!! Been back to my Mayo Hospital twice in patient and out patient. Nothing was jumping out at about every Doctor you could imagine seeing. And I had to move away from Phoenix to here, in Philly area. That whole year of 2010 all it did was worsen-but really took a toll this year. I am 34 and it is almost unable to walk some days. So, I really had BIG ups and downs with Jesus---as for we had so many prayers for the surgery-came thru so well, the moment I was better from healing-ready to get back to living-I was pain stricken--and it so far looks like for life, cause I haven't had a day off yet.

During this tragic disorder for me-has brought in an extremely big blessing--my Big Bro!! He is always with us, by our side-stays with us so he is here to help me thru the days. Lord I feel bad, as for he takes after my mother in anxiety. So when I hit extreme pain-he wants to fix it while his heart is pounding. But it is amazing how God draws family members together. I wouldn't give this up at all. I've wanted this close relationship with him since I was 19. He was hit with some big trials this year--but recently accepted Jesus--and my heart melts, knowing with the strangest, most painful parts of life-might just help another person. 

But once again, in life, even before you know and trust Jesus-His plans our laid out... we may alter them a hunch, but when we accept Him and try to walk tighter with Him, and more like Him--it is then when life begins to change BIG-some you notice BIG TIME and thank Him in tears on your knees, others are more slight changes, or even something that doesn't seem a blessing, but in fact in time (sometimes YEARS) turns into an AMAZING BLESSING with your love, trust, and continual walk and relationship with Jesus. Whether that is with jobs, spouses, children, health etc.... so much has hit my life so hard that I wasn't sure I could, or really wanted to breathe the next day. But as I turned back to Jesus and prayed in tears "what do You want, where do I go from here? will everything work out ok?" He will comfort all in a way that you just will be amazed at. And whatever tragedy is in your life, will soon seem small, as you know He is more than real-He is why you have so many gifts--such as my precious Tory. My ex gave her up-and my husband has been her daddy since she was 2--and I praise God for that. Too many kiddos that are lost and hurt due to divorce, but Christ knew she needed perfect timing-she is sensitive. And she is blessed with my husband, her dad-to walk her down the aisle one day. She is one little girl that has been on fire for Jesus since she was 2... very open. And for that-I thank Jesus for.

Without this man, my husband, Christian Siebens- I am not sure how and where I'd be today. Before I was living for Jesus-I was living for him... to get help to get over the ex beating me, or off the drug I abused to numb that pain. He lived in Seattle, while I was in AZ... and we have endless e-mails... that are so grabbing. Our Lord made us both grow close to HIM, and each other afar, and when he moved to Phoenix back in 2004. Jesus works wonders. We married still, after he dealt with all my seizures, my brain surgery #2 -and Phenobarbital addictions when we re-tried that medication. He is one amazing man, Godly, true, loving, with no raging temper. Shocking compared to my 1st. God taught me a lesson there. Our wedding we had on the date my ex beat me-to wash out the bad-make it a day to look forward to always. He walked us thru more seizures, 

I thank Jesus for my precious friends up in MN.... whom I first met on twitter and Facebook... but then in person up in MN. I am off to see them again end of July. These two are the sisters I never had--and are there in a flash when I need them. Know that there are those type of people still today... never give up!!! He has plans for us all.

My baby Tory... 3 1/2 praising Jesus to Chris Tomlin CD in my one bedroom apartment. We sure were a team!!!! Forever Mommy and Tory...

My precious sweet husband always reaching out to me with love... in all my pain...

I LOVE YOU CHRISTIAN SIEBENS!!!

Now here in PA.... I am too ill to find friends... but have the most precious hubby.... Forever thank Jesus for him!!!

God bless you all... know you are never alone. Mountains get very rocky... very steep... but you will reach the top and see pure beauty, again and again--as long as you keep trusting Jesus. He will carry you!!! No ones life is easier.. He knows all whom can handle--and not. He can take trials-and use them for amazing things in your life.... but even better, in others!!! 

However, unless Jesus comes to me face to face--and the docs with written consent that a 4th brain surgery will make all this body pain flee... I won't go thru this again... I'll just keep praying the pain flees.  :)

In His Love,

Heather

Ephesians 3:16-19

I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength thru His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in Your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, thru it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

AMAZING CHRISTMAS!!!

I love this picture. Two of my best friends. My bestest friend-my husband, Christian-who brings joy and light into my life, always. Even if I am in my darkest dark. And my precious friend Dawn, who lives a life for others-full of sweet kindness, love, respect always for the other. She is walking light of love. With them at once-I am blessed overly!!!!
This CHRISTmas was just amazing. It was one that was quaint, stress-free, full of love, forgiveness, joy, and thrill of the coming New Year. This year sure had its bumps-and the way we were handling them was out of control for some time. Jesus got us back IN control-and we are blessed to be blessed with such love for one another-that we love to pour onto others.
We were double blessed. We had my brother back in our home, thrilled to see us all-loving our heart forgive in hard times and give second chances. He is working hard at his new awesome job-and just gracious we all our a family that help one another out-in LOVE. That is our favorite thing.
Then we were blessed again with our precious friend, past neighbor  Dawn, back in Chandler, had her and her daughter Annaka, stay at our house due to being snowed into our new city of Philadelphia. So, even though she was going to make a quick trip to England--she spent that large price to kick it with us in Philly!!! All in all it was totally worth it. We both spent crazy money buying each other and our girls gifts--from missing each other soooo much since I have left. She is one strong willed amazing friend!!! She helped me out in all my crazy seizure attacks. Such a heart!!!

Here is the gift of Christmas from my husband; typed in a beautiful red frame with snowflake stickers....does a different one every Christmas; types....

Our 2010 Family Christmas Prayer

Early this year we thought healthy perfection was in the cards,

Not fantasy, existing only in our deepest hopes.

We moved to get a new start but excitement was followed by confusion and pain.

When Lord we asked, will health be?

In prison, prison of mind, pain and location

Did we make the right decisions for health and for our future?

We begged and waited with bated breath

At times our hopes grew dim, our souls became weary, our desires became dull.

But when we thought we could go no lower and confusion ran amuck,

Suddenly appeared light which issued great intellect and understanding

A light from a divine source. That source being You, Lord.

You gave us peace and understanding that perfection is not the goal

quality life and family was a reality still possible

You sent us Your precious love, love which we hold so dear to our heart.

The sunset and dusks light on a pennsylvania night

The glow of the sunrise on the park at daybreak

The color of the trees, the coolness of the snow

The laughter we hear from Tory aglow

The whisper of peace and letting go

You're our yesterdays memories

Today's reason to live and love

Tomorrow's dreams of the future

All the love we have to give

You are our beginning and our end

All we have in visions sight

Nothing has ever felt this good or this right

So take our hand, walk beside us each day

As we live our lives together with You by our side.

We trust You have our lives in the palm of Your hand.

Happy Birthday Jesus. You are our Everything.

The Siebens Family....

by Christian Siebens .... (aka -Heather Siebens precious other half)

And those are the remarkable words this year from my beloved hubby, whom I thank Jesus for, everyday... we are so blessed with each other, our daughter Tory... all of you as our friends. Many blessings to you all--in this coming year!!!

In God's Glory,

Heather Siebens

Love and Forgiveness help...

I had so much happen since last dwelling blog till now.

I had so much pain, I thought I was really going to die. The medication was increased and I would wake up half dead. But God finally had a point and time when my new medication started working more-but I sadly didn't realize it, so I just kind of slowly took less and less-until I was doubled over in pain, and vomiting from the medication withdrawal. Didn't know it was a strong one like that-my personal anti-seizure ones felt stronger and I could stop them. We went back to the doctor-he updated all meds, and I wound up having 2 large complex partial seizures for me. As for I usually don't have them at all, since 3rd brain surgery. That was the point of the surgery. I sadly paid the price of severe pain after-and am still waiting for a long--LONG period of time I can go PAIN FREE.

Now I know stress doesn't help pain... and I am one sad to admit-I never admit stress...cause I never really can feel it. I can just look back at the situation, and know that most people would have been stressed to death in same situation. I am just one odd brain. I have always been stress "free" -fearless child, a lot probably due to the medication I took for my seizures-was very strong... Phenobarbital. So I was "fearless" or just brain numb-but I would have to crash a plane 4-7 times to ever fear flights. My mother is very scared of everything. A lot of anxiety. She even had a brown bag in her car to breathe in if she had attacks. I just don't do that. Even after my 1st brain surgery, my ex husband beat me 2 months after--you'd think I'd still be seizing with how upset you get from being beaten. Not me. I was still calm enough I was seizure free through it all. All the counseling, pictures, etc.

Now, I knew I was really upset. With the pain I have-the worse it gets, the more depressed I get. Then if a sad, difficult situation arises-I will just bawl over it because of the pain depression I have. So my brother hurt me bad. He left our home, where he was living, taking care of me-to go to Phoenix to do some "work" meetings. That is great-show us the responses-bring in money finally-we'd be happy for him. But he didn't. He called me from a "business partners" home, who also had a stressed life. He provided a very strong ADHD medication for my brother, thinking it was out of kindness--but my brother took them in ridiculous amounts-like cocaine. And I lost him. So this wasn't helping my pain heal any, I had a crash the day after he was supposed to be home-but "missed" his flight and started up some crazy text messages.

So here I am, in utter pain, with a husband out of town, having to handle my precious nine year old all on my own--but I personally couldn't even get up the stairs I was in so much pain. I was in endless calls with my husband in tears--saying I could not do this alone. He knew I couldn't. God knew that. He brought my husband home early from his business trip to Canada by 2 1/2 days... but to me it felt like millions of days gone!!! That was the severe pain, inability to handle it all--and my hurt heart from my brother.

My birthday made a twist. We had a dear friend over. One who has such challenges in life-but such a heart. Amazing how we all differ. My brother has an amazing I.Q. --but that does NOTHING without a working heart. Katie's heart is what works best-and that is what is most needed in this world! And my brother figured that out. Saw what he missed in FB pics-saw photos of me with a friend and family-but minus him somehow for my birthday, and our first snowfall here in Philly since we moved here from AZ. And I am sure his heart sank. Cause his heart picked up his depressed, not moving body, and he typed amazing words to me I didn't know how to handle. Except forgiveness. Right away I knew that. I have been forgiven so much by so many--than mostly -our dear Lord!! But, I try and try to live more like Him, even when I am suffering--to forgive, set up boundaries and rules-but to love all over again.

And maybe that is part of God's reason of my pain. Perhaps it is just here to remind me every day, what IS, can be worse than what just happened, might happen, did happen---etc... but we CAN FIX THAT.... FORGIVE. I have zero control of my pain, but to be personally stress free, take my meds. To be stress free is to LOVE. FORGIVE. Never hold a grudge!!! And this has been the best reminder!!

I have loved my brother so much my whole life... I just always waited for him to love me as much back... that began last year, and never grew as much as this!! I am very blessed to have a brother like Troy Jensen. Doesn't matter to me how long it took--I have him. I am blessed.

And he and my precious hubby are like best friends... I know it hurt my dear hubby Christian Siebens... so his heart is healed too. But one mostly healed ever is my daughter, named after him, Tory. She talked to him on the phone like an exciting hour--then ran down the stairs in tears of joy!!!! Made him a Christmas gift already!!! She calls them "twins..." She has a heart like Jesus... never seen anyone else like this child, and it isn't from me!!! I am just blessed!!!

I love you all... thank you all for your prayers thru everything. This is why I have been afar!!! A lot going on with health and family!!!!! I love you all so much!!!

To God Be The Glory!!

Heather

Philippians 4: 6-7 Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

WHAT UP?? from Hetty Siebens on Vimeo.

Beyond Thought

Luke 6:37-38
“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back."

Giving. Doesn't it always seem like we are talking physical gift? Whether Christmas, birthday, anniversary etc... isn't giving usually looked at as physical gifts?

Those gifts are amazing, and usually from an amazing soul that is already a gift from Jesus--whether you spouse, kiddo, brother, sister, parents etc... to me, they sure are gifts as well.

My big brother and I have formed a bond, a relationship-an extreme gift to me this past year. One that I will cherish forever. One that is better than any wrapped gift-as for it is all from the hearts. Mine was never perfect, but was sure patient in waiting to hear from my heart-filled brother one day. One that set money aside, acknowledging that money can be productive, but nothing can be like the heart of a loved one.

And that is what he has done in just ounces of time. May not have all of what he had in the beginning of his spiral-may not add up as much expensive "needed" items. Or over time just tons of stuff of expense, that just don't mean anything in the heart. When the heart isn't reacting-there is more to be searched for. Praying to God He guides you how to fill it with something correct of the heart.

Even if you have tried another persons heart-try it again, but with one of deep love you haven't allowed yourself to recognize. 

My brother and I have so much love for each other-he was just unaware for a while there. I always loved him beyond happy book love. I truly put my whole self out there-defending all he was going thru, put me thru, others thru. He was needing more heart patience from someone-or he'd give up on his. And for months I was there, patient, and full of love and history. He just needed to make a change. Choose to.

He chose to when we moved to Philly. He saw my suffering with my illness-and my Why God's coming out. He didn't like that about me. He knew how I knew all about Jesus, and was one to share. Time before, yes, he thought that was weird... but watching my illness get worse as my love faded for Christ-all he could do was begin praying. And talking a ton to me about Jesus. Finally, after a decade of my love for Christ there-he had to reset it for me too. This life isn't just about me--he'd tell me... thru the illness it was about helping others. Finding right help. Growing close as family--- and for him, staying off his amazing work until I am better, so I have him at home, helping.

God worked wonders thru my brother to restart my engine. Siblings like this keep you alive-just thru love and personality-but thru Christ at the beginning of a brilliant walk.

We are thrilled and blessed beyond measure. All I can say is Praise The Lord!

In His Love,

Heather  @AliveinMe  @Time4Christ