AMAZING CHRISTMAS!!!

I love this picture. Two of my best friends. My bestest friend-my husband, Christian-who brings joy and light into my life, always. Even if I am in my darkest dark. And my precious friend Dawn, who lives a life for others-full of sweet kindness, love, respect always for the other. She is walking light of love. With them at once-I am blessed overly!!!!
This CHRISTmas was just amazing. It was one that was quaint, stress-free, full of love, forgiveness, joy, and thrill of the coming New Year. This year sure had its bumps-and the way we were handling them was out of control for some time. Jesus got us back IN control-and we are blessed to be blessed with such love for one another-that we love to pour onto others.
We were double blessed. We had my brother back in our home, thrilled to see us all-loving our heart forgive in hard times and give second chances. He is working hard at his new awesome job-and just gracious we all our a family that help one another out-in LOVE. That is our favorite thing.
Then we were blessed again with our precious friend, past neighbor  Dawn, back in Chandler, had her and her daughter Annaka, stay at our house due to being snowed into our new city of Philadelphia. So, even though she was going to make a quick trip to England--she spent that large price to kick it with us in Philly!!! All in all it was totally worth it. We both spent crazy money buying each other and our girls gifts--from missing each other soooo much since I have left. She is one strong willed amazing friend!!! She helped me out in all my crazy seizure attacks. Such a heart!!!

Here is the gift of Christmas from my husband; typed in a beautiful red frame with snowflake stickers....does a different one every Christmas; types....

Our 2010 Family Christmas Prayer

Early this year we thought healthy perfection was in the cards,

Not fantasy, existing only in our deepest hopes.

We moved to get a new start but excitement was followed by confusion and pain.

When Lord we asked, will health be?

In prison, prison of mind, pain and location

Did we make the right decisions for health and for our future?

We begged and waited with bated breath

At times our hopes grew dim, our souls became weary, our desires became dull.

But when we thought we could go no lower and confusion ran amuck,

Suddenly appeared light which issued great intellect and understanding

A light from a divine source. That source being You, Lord.

You gave us peace and understanding that perfection is not the goal

quality life and family was a reality still possible

You sent us Your precious love, love which we hold so dear to our heart.

The sunset and dusks light on a pennsylvania night

The glow of the sunrise on the park at daybreak

The color of the trees, the coolness of the snow

The laughter we hear from Tory aglow

The whisper of peace and letting go

You're our yesterdays memories

Today's reason to live and love

Tomorrow's dreams of the future

All the love we have to give

You are our beginning and our end

All we have in visions sight

Nothing has ever felt this good or this right

So take our hand, walk beside us each day

As we live our lives together with You by our side.

We trust You have our lives in the palm of Your hand.

Happy Birthday Jesus. You are our Everything.

The Siebens Family....

by Christian Siebens .... (aka -Heather Siebens precious other half)

And those are the remarkable words this year from my beloved hubby, whom I thank Jesus for, everyday... we are so blessed with each other, our daughter Tory... all of you as our friends. Many blessings to you all--in this coming year!!!

In God's Glory,

Heather Siebens

Is This His Plan?

Heath & Marital Trials & tears

Where do you turn in life-when the only one-- ONE with the correct answer is Christ. And with each brain surgery, from the one in 2002-not knowing Him at all with excruciating head throbs-to my 2005 one being so ON FIRE for HIM I think the other side of the nation saw the flames-I came out two days after surgery-little pain. Then to this past year-2010--strong prayer, from me, family, near by friends to across the world even posted in a book for me by Katie Hartnett and blogs all over prior and after. I was pain free except the headache that comes along with-but is manageable with meds and rest. Very functional right away. But this 3rd brain surgery took a toll--it didn't work the full absolute miracles that we all expected thru prayer, thru God. Thru the "doors opened", one closed-one left to enter....this one. I now question that thought, did I pray deep enough? Did I have the time to pray right in the coming end of it? It is like me. I am very black and white, yes or no person-So to answer that door open, I do not wait and wait for any door action to show up. If it slammed in given time, that is black to me-no, don't do it. If I wait around forever and watch it slowly close by docs choice of my procrastination-than that is grey. I pray and wait for one of these responses-in wishes Christ had a cell phone at times. Then perhaps I wouldn't be in this predicament. Cause right now, Black, white, grey of the door slamming is no longer working in my  ten year relationship with Christ. I've heard that saying said so many times too. He has now proven me there is more to it all over all types of prayer, "door slamming" (black and white), extra opinions. As for my opinion is a wreck from being so unwell. Making all decisions is no longer in my hands as used to be. Not until this is healed.
And does He want me in this predicament or does He want me healed?

-Never ending, unanswered pain-results from my 3rd brain surgery I chose for a seizure free life.
-Resulting in inability to function as a homemaker, mom, wife, friend (hard to elaborate home day to day, they differ, but are all extreme pain, emotional, many times edgy, unable to open her own soda. (any can of whatever) I am 33, and declining. And it got worse, sadly with the stressfulness of Christians new career he loves (I feel more than me) and our move to Philly, sadly, which I do love. But this weather is breaking my pain until they go in for a brain surgery #4 to cut off all pain, due to the fact that they are not sure which part of the brain was clipped on the pain inducing part that reacts to nothing. Cutting it all out is better answer-feel no pain-like the movie UNBREAKABLE .... that would be me, 2nd time around.

This all hit a few months prior my husband getting offered a job out here in Philly--where none of my docs I am familiar with are at. Perhaps though this severe pain coming from the 3rd brain surgery-and my surgeon in denial-is part reason for sending us out here. Never-the-less, I wasn't really prepared physically, with doctors, knowledge of illness, emotionally-and in my relationship with my spouse and daughter for all that has hit me. And my husband has gone from an easy kick back job, to full force, forget where he is, what day it is, who he is, almost who I am it is that deep of a career. His hair is on fire and I am way too unwell to ever put it out now. I have no ability to help him-he has this full force, out of this world career-in addition to me, a full force wreck that has to hand him everything I do or did, cause I am too weak, sore, unwell to ever begin to. The whole court is his-yet it isn't. I have to verbally direct him when he gets really cranky or in overuse of my little child. We are at that point we need someone in to clean our home, cause I can barely clean myself-I hurt that bad. But he is so stubborn. Then, one day-as blessed as we are having my brother here-Troy J Jensen-- keeping him to help me thinking my health will get better--but let's live up to the fact, that isn't in the future cards, anytime soon-if at all. And he will, once we are done searching all docs in Philly to the ground, to see they snipped and clipped wrong in my 3rd brain surgery--he and I will have built this amazing friendship-never to be broken, but it will be time for him to move onto something in life promising. Which will sadden me, but make me happy for him. But then my husband-who will be working his chaotic hours, will hire some stranger to take care of me. This is the new life story.... and if I don't live thru marriage falling apart by then, then he will have moved on... that is the status quo of his type of position in life. I wish him all the well with that.
Til then, I greatly pray something miraculous fixes my pain. Or he fixes his job to become about a 20 hour a week job-or less. This is a fall-apart. And I haven't come across the right way to pray yet to make this flee--so perhaps this is permanent torture, or a calling to keep speaking His Word to best of my ability no matter what pain. Not sure. But this reaches a limit fibromyalgia just doesn't--I would actually trade in this case knowing the difference--as for I am missing a whole nerve for pain in my brain, from 3rd brain surgery. So -unless they go in a 4th time to cut the rest-just numb me, I will be in excruciating pain forever. I feel like a severe biblical pain like Job and Paul went thru-in a chapter of my own. Only no credit.

Bitter ending, with apologies. Marital strife, severe body pain, friends I no longer can please- all just never ends.... greatly apologize thru Christ... as I pray to Him for answers this month for left eyesight help, pain medication until the day before my birthday--Dec 14th, answers from a new neurologist as to where to go, who to see to help rid this pain.

I know He has the answer. Just so much easier for me to pray for seizure relief-surgery, as for I can seize and continue. This is constant, never-ending, severe pain, that makes you thank God you make it thru each day to the next.

Love you and thank you all for you love, prayers, support, friendship. For those I have been unable to call back--this pain is so excruciating that speaking is just crying. We will all have our day again--
Christian--I sure pray we do too. You have been my everything, remember from day I met you till now. Don't sell me short to your love of your career or money. My heart will break. You are amazing at what you do-and I don't want you to give it up. But I don't want you to forget me, or set me aside with "keepers" for you. Where do we go then? Never forget the letter I wrote you before brain surgery in 2005---I will post it on FB.

God bless you all. Goodnight!!

2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort.

What Do You Hear?

Holding On

Romans 9:18  So you see, God shows mercy to some just because He wants to, and He chooses to make some people refuse to listen.

Powerful words. I remember being told by someone like a year ago they decided not to believe in Jesus-have faith at all, all because of this verse. It is a strong verse. But I stared at it for a while-it really didn't pertain to my life yet, so it didn't come out strong yet. So I gave it time.

Not that I know what the Word possible is for sure, but it came to my mind with all me, then my brother-my family goes thru. I already knew it isn't a pre-destined - or freewill would have been pointless... and learning to have faith in Christ, etc. The reason behind that verse above is that God has His timing. His personal patience and plans on all of us. With knowing all each of us can go thru and take to find Him-He knows how long to allow us to keep wandering on our own, for our own love of life and things until He finally starts to throw in "signs." Throw in pushes for us to learn more... make Him more obvious thru all we've gone thru and pulled-whether we like it or not. Until one day we do run into a something, someone, sometime that all blend together so perfect to help everything open for finding, and searching for Him-willingly. And that is when it is amazing.

I have seen this happen so many times. Starting with myself denying in the beginning. But getting coddled the whole way-while clueless it was Him at all then. Until I hit my bottom-then He opened my eyes and ears and heart to it all. That is when I really saw all He did the whole way.

I have seen this in so many friends, my brother, amazing souls who come to me--I am amazed at how He moves all around us-with such a heart. With plans. He doesn't want to see any of us perish for sure.

So know-even though someones eyes and ears may be shut right now-- but In His Time they will be opened, and such a shock. And He has plans with it all.

As I sit here on the end of my testing-I pray my daughter does well thru the week til I get home. As she grips Jesus. My husband keeps walking tight with Him as I return-our love only gets stronger thru Him--and my brother just gets ready for a big hug, even when I am in pain-and just to talk all about how amazing He is, always. He does have plans for us.

This has been a tough week here in Phoenix with all these medical tests-but I do know He is true and faithful. And He sure has love extended to us all--with endless plans for life!!

Love you all!

In His Love,

Heather