Illness

Matthew 9:27-29

After Jesus left the girl's home, two blind men followed along behind Him, shouting, "Son of David, have mercy on us!"  They went right into the house where He was staying, and Jesus asked them, "Do you believe I can make you see?" "Yes Lord, we do!" Then He touched their eyes and said, "Because of your faith, it will happen." And suddenly they could see! Jesus sternly warned them, "Do not tell anyone about this."

And I have gone thru so many illnesses. But it all happened at a severe point right before I found Jesus. Was that because I rejected Him for five years prior and needed me on fast forward to take care of my child. Be a single mom.

Then I get so on fire that I spread Him like fire. On line, off line, around line etc. I wonder if I compared to the men in this Scripture.

I do know that I am sick. I do know I have to keep growing closer to Jesus, as for it healed me before. Epilepsy is now gone after years of worshipping our One and only Savior. 

Deal is, every single time I was healed, another illness hit. Why illness? Why me? The one in the family who worships Him with all her heart. What does that do for Him and growth of other finding Him, if I can't get out there. Is this the last severe illness I bow to Him for? Or will it never end with me.

That is scary. These aren't small go to the doc and get some meds. These are from epilepsy, bad kidney, to blind eye, kills to function.

So if I could ask Jesus a simple question, "Will illness continue...." I wish I could. I could pray harder like I used to. Share His Word like never before. But when one illness gets healed by brain surgery, 3 mind you, and you get struck with an eye that can't see and body that can't function.... your Word for Him calms down. Know He is out there.... but maybe not for you. And the fire I had lit to share His Word is limited, as for I can't see reason for such despair.

And if any kind, it is something daily painful, and slow, like torture. Not doctors agreement on date due to cancer for me passing. But just a harsh way to keep me focused on Him, others to come to Him. Perhaps. But there are better ways.

Jesus, I love you.... please end this soon. I can't bring others to You like this. Simple truth.

Heather

Despair

Desperately When will Jesus come back for me? He dropped me hard and left me behind to suffer. I am the only full, on fire for Christ in my family----He used me in amazing ways. But when do they lighten or changed a tad? Go from severe Epilepsy, 3 brain surgeries-multi illnesses along with all...all while praising, knowing He was using all for His gloryl I had reached to people I didn't even know. And that was enough. Just after 3rd, it got worse....some seizures occurred but most of all- I was given a new severe illness that was all over the body --severe pain--kidney shrank more which makes it hurt more. Basically bind. Ears off and on. But body is always in severe pain. I am on a walker now, at 33. I am bitter and angry and question God for the first real time-anf it hurts-and everytime I talk about it, I bawl. Lamentations 3:31-33 For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow. I pray He doesn't enjoy showing it to others with me...cause it is never ending. No more family to bring to Christ....once I am gone-pray someone come to Him strong to bring to Him. Love, Heather @Time4Christ http://www.facebook.com/AliveinMe